If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
