you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
A bitchslap is in order.
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