ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
