I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
