I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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