he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize