I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Semen is not good for contacts.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
