No awkward lesbian experiences without me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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