how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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