i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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