Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
