He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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