if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
