She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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