I accidentally had phone sex last night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize