Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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