I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
