Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Non-Jews are for practice
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
