that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
