I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize