Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
