u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
