i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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