one might say we're banned from that church
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
