No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
