The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
