i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
