You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
