glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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