just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize