It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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