You work out of a Hotel?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize