All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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