Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
