I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
