Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize