I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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