can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
handjob tips. give me some.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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