Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
