So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
