doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
