She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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