yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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