Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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