Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
