He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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