is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
