Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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