Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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