I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
