My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
