Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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