I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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