eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize