a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
