Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
