you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
