I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
