you would pick up someone in the library
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
