Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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