Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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