It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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