Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
