you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
