fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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