I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How naked do you want me to be?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
