I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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