I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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